Growing up as a male in our American society positions us to take on unnecessary baggage. Back in the 70’s the term “macho man” was something for men to aspire to but it created a great deal of pressure on a man to measure up to false “real” man attitudes. I know because I incorporated it in my own attitudes and actions. A real macho man was his own man, was in control, and the buck stopped with him. He did not cry. He did not go to others about his problems. He did not even admit that he had problems. In fact, he denied he had problems therefore doing nothing about them. Typically, he only made his life and the lives of others difficult. Although the term “macho man” is no longer used much, the after-affects are even more prevalent today. Today people reject the idea that they have or are a problem. They look to blame others instead of taking the responsibility for their own actions. That’s really macho!
Here’s an analogy. If I have a car and I have blown the transmission, me and my car will not go anywhere. I can deny it all that I want but I still have a blown transmission and a dead car. So has it been for many men. Their transmission is blown (their inner soul has a hole in it) and they are still walking around denying it. Unfortunately, this denial causes broken relationships, broken hearts and broken men affecting the women and families in their lives.
As I began to surround myself in better environments i.e. good people with integrity, church… I found that I was not the only one who had had these experiences. I found others had them too. I also learned from them how they made changes that significantly improved their lives and their relationships. I found that there was something that I could do about it if I truly wanted a happier life for me and my family. I first had to be open to wanting to learn, then learning, and then doing something about it. That was not necessarily easy. It meant I would have to change some habits and open myself up and be honest. It meant overcoming my fears, the ones that macho men couldn’t express.
A misnomer in our world is that a failure is a person. Really, a failure is an event. It is important to grow through the events of life. Do we repeat those events and make them bad habits, or do we decide to make some changes for the better of all.
The saving grace for me was that I found a mentor in my life. He did not try to be the answer man in my life, but he was someone that I respected greatly. He was someone that I wanted to duplicate in so many ways. I did not try to be just like him but rather took the principles that I admired about him and incorporated them in my life. I could also go to him and talk about things and I knew he respected me and my ability to make good decisions for myself. Mentors can be found in many places. But finding a good mentor is important. A good mentor is someone with strong unwavering principles. You find this person surrounded by other quality people. They understand that associating themselves with other good people is very important. Sometimes they’re found at work. Sometimes they’re found at church or in your family. Find one and get around them all you can. The benefits can be many.
Before associating myself with my mentor it was all about me. I was the macho man who made all my own decisions and did things my way. Often, I experienced loneliness and I didn’t really like it. If you want to read something that I also found helpful, read the book of Wisdom in the New Testament. The prayer of Solomon is especially good. I am going to finish with a poem my mother had that I think is very insightful. It gives a very good perspective on the relationship between husband and wife. I hope all this helps.
Woman was made
Not from man’s head to be above him
Nor from his feet to be walked upon.
But from his rib to be beside him
Under his arm to be protected by him
And near his heart to be loved by him.